Healing

Bent Not Broken

September 30, 2018 by 0 Comments

I am bent not broken. Literally. My S shaped spine swerves to the left and then to the right. Untreated in childhood, the curve got more pronounced in adulthood. From the front, I look rather fine. From the back, I look rather crooked. So what?

So I had to make life changes. My S changed me and changed my world. How? It made me change my behavior. Goodbye no exercise. Hello yoga and walking. Goodbye soda. Hello water and yogurt. Goodbye crossed legs bent over when seated. Hello sit up straight. And a special hello to lying on the floor in the morning when I awake and at night before I get in bed which is both pain relieving and grounding.

Why am I telling you this? You probably don’t have scoliosis. I am telling you this because when life throws you a curve (literally for me 😉 ) you still have choices about how to deal with it.

When we feel broken in body or broken in spirit, our first response is often despair. That’s okay. It is the stage one of why me and this isn’t fair. (Unfortunately, fair has nothing to do with it.) More stages will follow, and we go through each one as slowly or as quickly as our condition allows. Some things we try will not work for us. Some advice we get will not work for us. But we journey on. Attitude and curiosity will be our constant companions as we seek the right, though winding, path for us. Healing is never a straight line.

Do I wish that I did not have a roller coaster of a spine? You bet. Yet, I recognize that the changes I made to manage my condition have made my life better. My health is better. My outlook is better. And I know that I would not have made these changes without the pain. Discomfort is a catalyst for healthy growth and daily self-care.

And when I am feeling worn out, I walk a few blocks from my house to look at the willow trees hanging over the lake nearby. They are bent. They are beautiful. And they are just the way they are supposed to be.

Compassion

Shelter From the Storm

September 22, 2018 by 0 Comments

“Come in she said, I’ll give ya shelter from the storm.” (Bob Dylan) Shelter from the storm embraces those in need. Those hurting. Those battered by life or by circumstance. The broken hearted. The broken spirited. Shelter from the storm is a warm embrace, a kind word, a holding hand, a nod of understanding. It is providing empathy for the breaking and the broken.

Giving shelter from the storm comes naturally to highly sensitive people and empaths. We will pull you in as you crawl toward us. We will feel your hurt, listen to it, validate it. We will hold you as you push through the ugliness and back toward the light. We will be your companion and meet your needs and help with healing.  It is our natural gift, and oh, we will give it….until we are spent.

And that is the challenge of being empathic. We tend to give it all away. No limits. Shelter from the storm implies temporary safe haven. It is not  a harbor in every storm or a host to every hunger. This took me a long time to learn. There is a difference between helping someone who is going through a bad time and hosting someone who thrives in a hurricane. Don’t get sucked under again and again. If s/he doesn’t want to get on the life raft, sail away to shore anyway. Disengage. (I know easier said than done.)

And sometimes when the storm passes, it is you who is left behind. You provided what was needed – TLC – but you may have fell in love or at least in deep like. With the storm/crisis now over, those moments of heart-bearing soul are often scary for others, so they move away from those who witnessed it – yep, you.

We can embrace and use our gift of providing shelter from the storm, but know that it is a moment in time. It will bring us closer with some, and it will be a momentary passing with others. With each encounter,  our compassion and light will continue to expand.

Shelter From the Storm by Bob Dylan Vimeo link:

https://vimeo.com/149992621

 

Music

Music=Emotions

September 16, 2018 by 0 Comments

Music drives emotion. Seriously. Everyone can feel it, but for empaths, it is magnified. That’s why we like music so much. In fact, we crave it. I can’t imagine even one day without music.

Music is vast. It is wide. It is a rich. There is a song for any and every emotion we may experience. (And your choices will be different from mine.) Discovering the right song that connects to the right emotion at the right time is fantastic. It’s magic, affirmation, and catharsis/emotional release all rolled up into one. The right notes and lyrics help us to express what we can’t express alone. It is feeling beyond our own words.

Songs become part of our personal histories. We remember what was playing when something happened. We remember what songs got us through the very tough times. We know what ones express our anger or our sadness. We remember which ones were played at celebrations and concerts. At times in our lives, we latch on to one song and play it over and over because it expresses what we are feeling so well. Later, a few notes from a familiar tune can take you right back to a moment in time and a particular place.

Music is my number one stress buster and motivator. I like to play it loud because it literally blasts everything else out of my head. I’m the one driving into the parking lot at work, and with windows rolled up, you can still hear my raucous music. (My colleagues find it funny because I am a calm and peaceful person. They don’t realize that my music helps me stay that way.) Music helps me to start the day on the “right note.”

Did you know that there is something called “music psychology”? It is the study of how music effects us. You can get a college degree in music psychology.

“Music psychology, or the psychology of music, may be regarded as a branch of both psychology and musicology. It aims to explain and understand musical behavior and experience, including the processes through which music is perceived, created, responded to, and incorporated into everyday life.” ~ Wikipedia

Music enriches our lives. There is a song for every emotion and every occasion. What are you listening to today?

Resilience

When I Get Knocked Down, I Get Up Again

September 9, 2018 by 0 Comments

Resilience IS the capacity to recover from difficulties. Resilience IS the ability to bounce back from tragedies. We all have it. But some seem to have it more than others. Some people in the same circumstances often end up with very different outcomes. Some move on, and some get stuck in the hole.

When real tragedy is up close and personal, we react with fight, flight, submit, or freeze. These reactions rely on instinct. But step two, after the horribleness has happened, is where resilience comes in. We can’t stop difficulty and tragedy from coming our way (and sometimes it feels like there is a target on our backs) but we can push through it to the other side. The awful experience(s) can become part of our history, but NOT our self-definition.

I hate being stuck. I can’t stand it. Awful times bring awful feelings. If we ignore them, they become an internal tsunami. Empaths and highly sensitive people have to open up the floodgates, let the feelings wash through them, and then get help to clean up the aftermath. It is intense, but it works. Change is the process of getting unstuck. We have to be unstuck to move forward and to rise up.

While we are healing, we have to be gentle with ourselves. Would we judge a hurricane survivor? No. So don’t judge yourself. We need help and support  from people we know and people we don’t know. Be around positive people (even if they are only characters in books or movies). Avoid naysayers and people who don’t like change. Embrace the underdogs for their stories of inspiration. They are the BEST role models for resilience. (Uh, Oprah?)

Have faith and look for the light at the end of the tunnel. It may look like a tiny match at first. But as you get closer, one step at a time, and one day at a time, the tiny light will become a sunrise. Hope will return. Better will return. And one day you will realize that you made it through. Resilience won.

 

 

 

Encouragement

You’ll Know When You Know

September 2, 2018 by 0 Comments

Big decision on the line? Sit with it. Feel it. Consider it. Know that there is no set timeline to solve a problem or resolve a situation. There is only what you can bear. What you can live with and what you can’t live with. You get to decide. Who knows better than you what is right for you at any given time?

Indecision can be its own stress. I like to think about it this way – when making a considered decision, yes, you are in limbo, but no, you are not doing nothing. You are processing your thoughts and feelings. You are considering impact and consequences.You are collecting information. You are in process.

We weigh our big life decisions. Pros and cons. Impact on my life. Impact on those around me. Known vs. unknown. Security vs. leap of faith. Willingness for change. Tolerance for criticism. Likelihood of support system staying in place. Openness to signs and spiritual guidance.

Case in point – People have very strong opinions on birth (which they will readily share with you). “Everyone is an expert.”  But they are not an expert on YOU. Example – I made an alternative birth plan for the arrival of my 2nd child. It was a gradual, researched, prayed about, considered decision. I told no one who would not support me (including my own mother) because I wanted to be surrounded by strong positive energy. Jake was born at home. All went well. One of my very best life choice decisions ever. (Postscript, I decided to have my next child born in the hospital. I was older, and he was early. You see, what is right for you at one age and point in time may not be right at another. Decisions change as we change.)

Considered decisions take some time. So when you are not sure, name it. Tell others and yourself that you need some time to think about it. Collect information, build support, trust your intuition, ask for guidance. When stumped, sit on that stump for a while. You will figure it out. I know it, and deep down, you know you too.

 

Music

“Come On!”

August 25, 2018 by 0 Comments

“Come on!” Two of my favorite words. Especially when said with conviction. Especially when the singer belts it out into a microphone (head nod, head nod), it is an open invitation. It’s a singer’s battlecry. It’s a dare. It’s a let me take you on this emotional adventure with me, and you won’t regret it. It’s a call to get out of yourself and a let go moment. “Come on” says trust me. Take the trip. Hop on board. Let the music envelop you and change you. Float out of yourself and go. That’s what it feels like at a concert with a riveting performer. “Come on!” calls out and intensifies the experience.

“Come on!” is a wink, a tease, and a plea. “Come on” says join me, connect with me, please. “Come on” entices because it says, “I want You.” “I’m going on an adventure, and I want you to be a part of it.” I feel a physical pull in my heart when I hear these words, and usually I’m a goner (in true empath style).

Your answer to “Come on!” can be public or private. (As in, no one else has to know what is going on internally.) It can be in a collective moment, like at a concert when the music pulsates through your body and you move with it, or it can be a more private moment, like going off with a friend to parts unknown. Either way, it is YOUR moment. You get to say yay or nay. But if you say yay, say it with conviction and go.

“Come on!” can also be a shout out to rejoin the fray. Get back in the game. Spirit away. When I need to let it out and move on, I put on music. My old favorite “Come on!” is from Jim Morrison and the Doors in “LA Woman.” My new favorite “Come on!” is  from Sophia Urista and Brass Against in “Wake Up.” Made loud to be played loud. Releases emotions big time.

And if your’e feeling brave, drop a “Come on!” to someone else to join you  ~ and let go. No holds barred.

Self-Discovery

How Did You Know?

August 19, 2018 by 0 Comments

How did you know that you are an empath? Do you remember when you first figured it out? Was it an a-ha moment or did it blindside you? Was it a gradual understanding or a bolt of lightning to the forehead (or should I say heart)? Did it fall into place or are you still struggling with it? And most importantly, how did the knowing CHANGE you?

For me, it was a welcome surprise. Quick story of discovery. (Note: I had never heard the word “empath” before.) I was having back pain and trying different therapies. Water therapist recommended massage therapy. She recommended a specific massage therapist because she thought we would “connect.” During an early session, the word “empath” appeared to me in big bold letters. (I kid you not.) I asked Kris (massage therapist) about it. What does empath mean? She told me, “Hmph. You should look into that.” Same night, I went home and did. This was the best information I found. (Link added at end of the list if you want to read the full article.) 27/30 for me.

“Here are 30 of the most common traits:

1. Knowing: Empaths just know stuff, without being told. It’s a knowing that goes way beyond intuition or gut feelings, even though that is how many would describe the knowing. The more attuned they are the stronger this gift becomes.

2. Being in public places can be overwhelming: Places like shopping malls, supermarkets or stadiums where there are lots of people around can fill the empath with turbulently vexed emotions that are coming from others.

3. Feeling others emotions and taking them on as your own: This is a huge one for empaths. To some they will feel emotions off those near by and with others they will feel emotions from those a vast distance away, or both. The more adept empath will know if someone is having bad thoughts about them, even from great distance.

4. Watching violence, cruelty or tragedy on the TV is unbearable: The more attuned an empath becomes the worse it is and may make it so they eventually have to stop watching TV and reading newspapers altogether.

5. You know when someone is not being honest: If a friend or a loved one is telling you lies you know it (although many empaths try not to focus on this because knowing a loved one is lying can be painful). Or if someone is saying one thing but feeling/thinking another, you know.

6. Picking up physical symptoms off another: An empath will almost always develop the ailments off another (colds, eye infections, body aches and pains) especially those they’re closest to, somewhat like sympathy pains.

7. Digestive disorders and lower back problems: The solar plexus chakra is based in the centre of the abdomen and it’s known as the seat of emotions. This is where empaths feel the incoming emotion of another, which can weaken the area and eventually lead to anything from stomach ulcers to IBS (too many other conditions to list here). Lower back problems can develop from being ungrounded (amongst other things) and one, who has no knowledge of them being an empath, will almost always be ungrounded.

8. Always looking out for the underdog: Anyone whose suffering, in emotional pain or being bullied draws an empath’s attention and compassion.

9. Others will want to offload their problems on you, even strangers: An empath can become a dumping ground for everyone else’s issues and problems, which, if they’re not careful can end up as their own.

10. Constant fatigue: Empaths often get drained of energy, either from energy vampires or just taking on too much from others, which even sleep will not cure. Many get diagnosed with ME.

11. Addictive personality: Alcohol, drugs, sex, are to name but a few addictions that empaths turn to, to block out the emotions of others. It is a form of self protection in order to hide from someone or something.

12. Drawn to healing, holistic therapies and all things metaphysical: Although many empaths would love to heal others they can end up turning away from being healers (even though they have a natural ability for it), after they’ve studied and qualified, because they take on too much from the one they are trying to heal. Especially if they are unaware of their empathy. Anything of a supernatural nature is of interest to empaths and they don’t surprise or get shocked easily. Even at the revelation of what many others would consider unthinkable, for example, empaths would have known the world was round when others believed it was flat.

13. Creative: From singing, dancing, acting, drawing or writing an empath will have a strong creative streak and a vivid imagination.

14. Love of nature and animals: Being outdoors in nature is a must for empaths and pets are an essential part of their life.

15. Need for solitude: An empath will go stir-crazy if they don’t get quiet time. This is even obvious in empathic children.

16. Gets bored or distracted easily if not stimulated: Work, school and home life has to be kept interesting for an empath or they switch off from it and end up daydreaming or doodling.

17. Finds it impossible to do things they don’t enjoy: As above. Feels like they are living a lie by doing so. To force an empath to do something they dislike through guilt or labelling them as idle will only serve in making them unhappy. It’s for this reason many empaths get labelled as being lazy.

18. Strives for the truth: This becomes more prevalent when an empath discovers his/her gifts and birthright. Anything untruthful feels plain wrong.

19. Always looking for the answers and knowledge: To have unanswered questions can be frustrating for an empath and they will endeavour to find an explanation. If they have a knowing about something they will look for confirmation. The downside to this is an information overload.

20. Likes adventure, freedom and travel: Empaths are free spirits.

21. Abhors clutter: It makes an empath feel weighed down and blocks the flow of energy.

22. Loves to daydream: An empath can stare into space for hours, in a world of their own and blissfully happy.

23. Finds routine, rules or control, imprisoning: Anything that takes away their freedom is debilitating to an empath even poisoning.

24. Prone to carry weight without necessarily overeating: The excess weight is a form of protection to stop the negative incoming energies having as much impact.

25. Excellent listener: An empath won’t talk about themselves much unless it’s to someone they really trust. They love to learn and know about others and genuinely care.

26. Intolerance to narcissism: Although kind and often very tolerant of others, empaths do not like to be around overly egotistical people, who put themselves first and refuse to consider another’s feelings or points of view other than their own.

27. The ability to feel the days of the week: An empath will get the ‘Friday Feeling’ if they work Fridays or not. They pick up on how the collective are feeling. The first couple of days of a long, bank holiday weekend (Easter for example) can feel, to them, like the world is smiling, calm and relaxed. Sunday evenings, Mondays and Tuesdays, of a working week, have a very heavy feeling.

28. Will not choose to buy antiques, vintage or second-hand: Anything that’s been pre-owned carries the energy of the previous owner. An empath will even prefer to have a brand new car or house (if they are in the financial situation to do so) with no residual energy.

29. Sense the energy of food: Many empaths don’t like to eat meat or poultry because they can feel the vibrations of the animal (especially if the animal suffered), even if they like the taste.

30. Can appear moody, shy, aloof, disconnected: Depending on how an empath is feeling will depend on what face they show to the world. They can be prone to mood swings and if they’ve taken on too much negative will appear quiet and unsociable, even miserable. An empath detests having to pretend to be happy when they’re sad, this only adds to their load (makes working in the service industry, when it’s service with a smile, very challenging) and can make them feel like scuttling under a stone.

If you can say yes to most or all of the above then you are most definitely an empath.” ~ Christel Broederlow ~  https://themindunleashed.com/2013/10/30-traits-of-empath.html

Knowing changed my life. Put my life in perspective. Made me like and understand me more. I wish the same for you, as we are kindred spirits. I dedicate today’s post 100 on Empath Lights’ website to us and to our journey of discovery.

 

Connection

Hugs

August 12, 2018 by 0 Comments

“You are the best hugger.” Hear that many times? Empaths and highly sensitive people do. Our hugs stand out to those on the receiving end. We hug with gusto. We hug with sincerity. We hug with intimacy. We hug with deliberation. We can’t half hug. We hug you all the way (or not at all). Because we know the healing power of a warm embrace by instinct, and we are all in.

Hug means to embrace someone closely in your arms as a sign of affection and caring. Hug also means to accept and support someone. When you hug someone, it is not by accident. It is by design. You are stopping everything to reach out to someone and pull them close. You are singling each other out for support and connection.

When we embrace, there is an exchange of energy. We are literally heart to heart (a very intimate position). Because of this, empaths are a little careful about who they hug. The exchange of energy is palpable, so we want to be careful about what energies are infiltrating our hearts. We will absorb the energy we lay our hearts next to, so we will sidestep and avoid disingenuous and hurtful hugs and huggers.

We hug for healing. Hugs help us to release emotions and relax into the moment. They are reassurances that we will be all right. Embraces reduce stress and promote calm. Hugs reduce anxiety and promote happiness.

“So, how many hugs should you have a day for optimal health? According to the best science, we should have as many as possible if we want to reap the greatest positive effects. Family therapist Virginia Satir once said, ‘We need four hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.’ While that may sound like a lot of hugs, it seems that many hugs are better than not enough.” -Erica Cirino  @ https://www.healthline.com/health/hugging-benefits#1

So hug with intention knowing that every embrace is a connection and a gift.

 

 

 

Compassion

What an Old Dog Can Teach Us

August 5, 2018 by 0 Comments

People say that you learn a lot from your old dog. Now I am one of those people. My dog is entering the twilight of his life with grace, and I’m trying to enter it with grace too. He still greets each day happy just to be here, and I am reminded (because of him) that each day is a gift. So make the most of it.

My dog is 10 1/2, which is old, but not ancient, in dog years. He has survived cancer (had a tumor removed from his leg a few years back) and lyme disease (8 years ago). Only now I have learned that lyme disease never really goes away. It has caused him nerve deterioration, and the ligaments in his back legs have slowly frayed. But I am taking my cues from him – instead of railing at fate, I am accepting that it is what it is. And we will manage it together. With grace.

Mobility and pain management are our new concerns, and my dog trusts me with his care. Every day he looks to me with his big brown eyes, and every day I rise to the occasion. I earn his trust by making his life more manageable and adjusting his living space and medication. We now have a maze of throw rugs downstairs, so he doesn’t slip and fall on the wood floors. We’ve moved his dog bed into the living room. We carry him into the car for vet trips, and he feels safe in our arms and doesn’t struggle. He takes his medicine happily because it’s wrapped in treats. And walks. We can’t take long walks any more, but he is still happy to go outside on very short ones. He reminds me that it is a joy just to breathe fresh air, and every day we can do that is a good day.

So what will be our parting gift to each other? That we will just be us together for as long as we can. Dear companions who have shared a family, a home, some adventures, and love. Lots of love.

 

 

Encouragement

Revising Our Stories as We Go

July 29, 2018 by 0 Comments

“It doesn’t matter what’s been written in your story so far. It’s how you fill up the rest of the pages that counts.”

You’re born. Lots of stuff happens. You die. You can’t change who you were born to. You can’t change that you will die. But the lots of stuff happens part, now that, that you can change. You’ve got a lot of input into that. You are the writer and editor of the lots of stuff happens part. Phew.

There’s always time to change the trajectory of your story. Always. ALL WAYS. Setting, plot, characters, can change – little tweaks or huge overhauls. Depends on what area of your story line you choose to work on and how you roll. Some people prefer small or gradual edits. Some people want a complete re-write. You see, revision and re-write is always possible, with one caveat ~ you can’t erase your past; can’t delete it. However, you can choose to reinterpret it and to redefine it. After all, it made you, well, you.

Characters can be the challenging  part of your story. You can’t always control what characters show up in your story, much less their motives. For you are in other people’s stories too, and they may want you to do things that you don’t want to do in your story. Cross purposes of intent can cause big problems. Don’t get sucked in (especially you, highly sensitive people and empaths!). Your story line must be paramount in your own life, not someone else’s story. (Thus, the old adage “Be true to yourself.”)

Expect plot twists and turns and unexpected surprises. Handle them the best you can. Your character will change and surprise you along the way. (I’ve often told myself that 10 years ago, or 20 years ago, I never would have imagined this in my life. Who knew?!). Because your story keeps unfolding. And the most amazing part is that you will endure. Your life story will endure. More chapters will just keep coming. And there is always time to finish a chapter and begin another one. an even better one.