When You Gotta Say I’m Sorry

“I need to be kindest to the man I love most in the world.” My thoughts the day after arguing. I teach kindness, but I wasn’t so kind to my guy last night. I made the wrong choice to be impatient, to be dismissive, to be unkind. Words were exchanged. Doors were closed. Feelings were hurt. And I felt our negative energy all night long. Was it worth it? No. Definitely no.

Arguments between significant others are often spontaneous displays of different agendas. I need this right now, but you want that right now. But I don’t care what you need or want right now. Aren’t you even listening to what I am saying? Something like that sound familiar? We all fall into that trap. Especially when we are tired or overwhelmed. Especially when we are working with little time left and little energy left. I would wager that most arguments like these happen at the end of a long day.

I am not at my best when I am exhausted. So what to do? (I do not live alone and I won’t be left alone.) You can own it. Affirm to yourself that you are tired and may be easily annoyed. Tell yourself not to engage in conflict (unless it is about something extremely important). Take some breaths and count or bite your tongue. Why? Because the fallout from an unimportant argument will be worse for you, oh sensitive one. You will feel bad for the rest of the night. Oh, and you will feel your partner’s bad. That’s double bad. Who wants to feel double bad?

If you’ve read my page for awhile, you will know that I love sunrises. Dawn is beautiful. Light, hope, and love return with each day. And we often see things more clearly in the morning. Begin the day with an honest apology. Extend the olive branch. Because really, you love this person more than anything, and this person loves you just as much. So tell them with an I’m sorry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bent Not Broken

I am bent not broken. Literally. My S shaped spine swerves to the left and then to the right. Untreated in childhood, the curve got more pronounced in adulthood. From the front, I look rather fine. From the back, I look rather crooked. So what?

So I had to make life changes. My S changed me and changed my world. How? It made me change my behavior. Goodbye no exercise. Hello yoga and walking. Goodbye soda. Hello water and yogurt. Goodbye crossed legs bent over when seated. Hello sit up straight. And a special hello to lying on the floor in the morning when I awake and at night before I get in bed which is both pain relieving and grounding.

Why am I telling you this? You probably don’t have scoliosis. I am telling you this because when life throws you a curve (literally for me 😉 ) you still have choices about how to deal with it.

When we feel broken in body or broken in spirit, our first response is often despair. That’s okay. It is the stage one of why me and this isn’t fair. (Unfortunately, fair has nothing to do with it.) More stages will follow, and we go through each one as slowly or as quickly as our condition allows. Some things we try will not work for us. Some advice we get will not work for us. But we journey on. Attitude and curiosity will be our constant companions as we seek the right, though winding, path for us. Healing is never a straight line.

Do I wish that I did not have a roller coaster of a spine? You bet. Yet, I recognize that the changes I made to manage my condition have made my life better. My health is better. My outlook is better. And I know that I would not have made these changes without the pain. Discomfort is a catalyst for healthy growth and daily self-care.

And when I am feeling worn out, I walk a few blocks from my house to look at the willow trees hanging over the lake nearby. They are bent. They are beautiful. And they are just the way they are supposed to be.