The Crying Balloon

My step grandfather had a crying balloon. Whenever we cried, he would pull it out. The same sturdy red balloon. He would blow it up large, then stretch the opening, so it would make a loud whining sound. And he would laugh at us. Our tears were funny. Our fear was funny. And nobody stopped him.

Therein lies the problem . . . . that became a much bigger problem . . . . that nobody stopped him.  Indifference can be destructive.

Toddlers cry. Young children cry. It’s a part of one’s emotional make up when as a child, one is figuring out the world. My grandparents’ house was a big, old, scaryish place for a little kid. We sometimes got scared or sad or hurt and would cry. His reaction to us alarmed us even more. But why was it not alarming enough for the other adults around us to tell him to knock if off? They were silent bystanders to his shameful theatrics. Making us feel alone and unprotected.

Bullies aren’t born. They are made. My step grandfather did this because he could. My grandmother said nothing. My parents did nothing. My aunt sat mute. Everyone watched him mock and frighten us – small children. He could do what he wanted without rebuke. And he did. Eventually, he did much worse. So bad that my cousin and I needed years of therapy and hundreds of miles of distance to heal from his abuse.

So why am I telling you this story? It is a cautionary tale. Do not stand idly by when you see bullying – no matter how small. Speak up. Name what you see. Stand up for the innocent. Because a bully’s actions will continue to grow much worse and more dangerous. If they can. And silence will fuel a bully’s behavior. Smaller actions lead to bigger more harmful actions. If they go unchecked. And silence is a bully’s biggest ally.

In our families, in our communities, in our governments, in our world, we can see unchecked bullying that preys on the most defenseless in the room/situation. Stand up! We must speak out to injustices both small and large. Empathy seeks justice. Bullying denies it. But indifference denies it too.

3 Truths

3 truths:  You are not alone. Evil exists in the world. There is hope (because you are not alone).

No one knows what we are going through. We may be too scared, too ashamed, too confused, too sad, too angry, too trapped, all these too’s….to tell anyone. Or maybe some people do know, but they don’t care. So we feel even more alone and lost in our problem, our relationship, our circumstance, our addiction, our hurt, our….Too paralyzed to get out, to get over, to get up. We are stuck in the mire. What are we to do? Reach for a life rope.

Evil is a presence in our world. There are bad people who do bad things for bad reasons to us or to those around us. Deliberately. Evil can be up close and personal or it can wave at us at a distance.

“The best definition of evil I’ve heard comes from Columbia University professor Andrew Delbanco, who has devoted much of his life to its study. Evil, he has concluded, springs from ‘the absence of imaginative sympathy for other human beings – a choice NOT to care about their suffering.’ ” – William Falk 

No sympathy or empathy from others is one of the biggest problems we currently face. The “I don’t give a shit about you” attitude is rooted in evil. And we must fight to counteract it with active empathy. Because for every person who doesn’t give a shit, there are many more who do. You are not alone when you reach out.

There is strength in numbers, strength in therapy, strength in telling the truth about what happened or what is happening. Tap into that strength. Begin by talking to one kind person and by not hiding anymore. Move forward – even if it is one inch at a time. You are not alone. Hope combats evil. And faith grows hope.

“I think this is what we all want to hear:  that we are not alone in hitting the bottom, and that it is possible to come out of that place courageously, beautiful, and strong ” – Anna White.