What You Say to You Matters

What you say to yourself is more important than what others say to you or about  you.  No one knows you and understands you like you do. You spend all your time with you. You know where you have come from and where you would like to go. You are your best cheerleader and your best advocate. You can use your unique position to your advantage….or not.

Sadly, you are not always kind to you. Sometimes you yell at you. Sometimes you call you names. Sometimes you even swear at you. This does not help you. It only hurts you. Deeply. Very deeply.

You may be thinking “Well, someone has to tell the truth. Someone needs to point out the mistakes.” But really, you know the truth. You know when you have made a mistake. Yelling at yourself only adds insult to injury. Feeling stupid never helps anyone heal.

Instead, treat yourself like you would a good friend or family member. What would you say to him or her? Is there a way to look at bad judgment and mistakes and acknowledge them without going down the road of self-hatred? To take it as a hard lesson learned, your part in the drama, and use it as a learning experience from which you will recover? Self-reflect, but in a caring and concerned way toward yourself.

Then take the next step. Thoughts, speech, and actions are all intimately related. Recognizing that is step one. Think about and talk about what direction you would like you to go. What would be good for you. Start moving in that direction – one step at a time.

Think about your life and talk to yourself in a positive manner. Use affirmations. A lot. Affirmations are assertions of who you are and what you want in life. They send out your message to the universe that this is who I am and this is where I am headed. They are always written and said in the present tense.

I am attaching an article from HuffPost by Dr. Carmen Harra about the life affirming power of affirmations. She gives a list of 35 affirmations to pick from, but she also encourages you to write you own. Pick some. Think them. Speak them. Act on them. You will grow and shine. You know it.



“Are You Experienced?” ~ Jimi Hendrix

I still remember my first concert experience. My first impression was realizing that this live music experience was like no other. It had its own rhythm and ritual. It had its own fuel. I entered this world, and I was now part of it. I had the ticket to get in, I earned my rite of passage, and I was now one of the initiated. I was hooked for life.

Years later, I still revel in the concert experience. There is nothing like live music. NOTHING. It is both a deeply personal experience and simultaneously, a communal one. It is a time when empaths can sway through all the emotions freely. It is an exuberant time for us.

The songs evoke emotion. And often the emotion is linked to the memories of our lives – both the good times and the dark ones. When you hear a band live (rather than a recording), the experience is magnified. The singer is speaking to you. You feel the words and the notes. You may be singing or dancing along with him or her.

And then it becomes something bigger. It becomes a communal experience shared with those around you. You may nod to each other. You may sway together. They feel it as well. They remember it as well. It is the only time these days that I am comfortable in a crowd – that I feel this is my community, just for this moment, just in this space of time. It is a singular experience that will never be exactly repeated.

I went to a concert two days ago, and I am still in a state of semi-eupohria. That’s how good it was. The singer was intense, the band was at its best, the venue was beautiful, and I was with someone I love. But really, the best part of the concert was the connection. This singer literally reached out to us during the show – to us, his devoted fans. He climbed across the chairs into the audience to get closer to us without missing a beat. He captivated me all over again. It was personal and it was communal and the music swept through us. And I was once again grateful for the live music experience.


Emotional Intensity – I’ll Take That One

If you google “emotional high,” you get a list from psychologists about pathology. If you google “emotional intensity,” you get a list about gifted people from educators. Isn’t it interesting that the same trait with a slight change in wording gives you a completely different view? And with that view, comes a completely different approach to viewing that person. Well if you’re an empath, you are that person. And that person is gifted. So thank you very much, we’ll take the gifted view.

Here are some definitions on the subject from Google:

“Emotional Intensity is a form of neurodiversity that is most often misunderstood by our culture. Emotional Intensity in itself is not a pathology. It overlaps with other traits such as being highly sensitive (HSP), being an ’empath’, having thin-boundaries, and over-excitabilities.”

the range of differences in individual brain function and behavioral traits, regarded as part of normal variation in the human population (used especially in the context of autistic spectrum disorders).”
You, my friend, may fall into the category of neurodivergent (and not neurotypical). That means that your brain with its intense emotions makes you a little bit different. But you already knew that, didn’t you? The reassuring news is that we are starting to be more widely accepted as being a “normal variation in the human population.”
So I suggest that you appreciate who you are. Appreciate that you can experience emotional intensity and mirror it back to others. It is a way to get lost and stay present at the same time. Sex, music, nature, you name it, it is all more intense because of what you bring to the table. You have emotional focus. Not everyone can handle it, can handle you, but those who do may love you for it.
Empath. Emotional intensity. Gift. Think about it. Or should I say, feel it?

Go Ahead: Self-define as an Empath

There is a personal power to be gained in self-identifying as an empath. In fact, it can be a huge shift in how you see yourself and how you see your place in the world. It was for me. Instead of trying to justify your sensitivity, you can begin to see it as your strength. And there is strength in taking a stand – in saying this is who I am, there are others like me, we are valued, and I like being this way.

Learning about empaths was a huge a-ha moment for me. I was well into adulthood before I even heard the word “empath” used to define a type of person. Then the door opened wide….and quickly. Much information was readily available on the internet. But I didn’t need to read a lot to know that I had found my home base. Because I could feel the truth of it.

My personal history, my life choices, and my way of living all made more sense. There was a blueprint of self-definition laid out before me. I felt relief that there were others who lived this way – who were born this way – like me. And I felt a new gratitude for those in my life who appreciated and accepted me and my intensity and my emotion.

I also put to rest the stacks of criticism that I heard over the years that I was too sensitive, too emotional, too intense – and the message that this was a negative way to be. (Even as a small child though, I knew that I could do nothing to change that and that was just me.) And I could now see how I found creative “acceptable” ways to express my emotions outwardly, and why at times I needed to be alone to feel my emotions away from judgment. I could also see the ways that I had learned to protect my heart.

I now embrace my empathic nature. If you are an empath, I hope you too can celebrate it! You are a light in this world. You can feel the truth and emotion of a situation. Yes, it can wear you out, but you can enjoy the intensity and emotion of life to the fullest, and you can share that fullness with others. Don’t hesitate. Self-accept. Self-identify. Turn it up. Shine on.