Emotion

The World Is Too Much With Us

December 24, 2017 by 0 Comments

The world is too much with us. Yes, that’s what it feels like. That is exactly what I thought the first time I saw this quote. Emotions from out there are circling around me and infiltrating me, like it or not. Overwhelming. How can I bear it all to infinity?

The world is too much with us. My younger self was at the mercy of the emotions of others around me. I tried to understand and save everyone. This quote meant that I had to bear it. Emotional baggage was heaped on me, and I carried it. To no avail. I’m only human, and my compassion eased some pain sometimes, but I couldn’t save anyone. After a troubled friend accused me of leaving her (to visit my parents) saying she almost killed herself, I knew I was in trouble. I had to make some changes or go under.

The world is too much with us. If you know what an empath is and that you are one, your entire life falls into a different perspective. You get it. Oh, that’s why I did that. And that’s why that happened to me. And that’s why I am doing this now. You can keep the world close but not disappear into it. Because your emotions matter too. Not just everybody else’s.

The world is too much with us. So why not own it? Accept. Acknowledge. Walk the line. Understand that “It is what it is.” When we know what “it is,” we can have clarity of understanding. Empaths are great listeners and can help with healing. But we are not saviors. We are people with the emotional gift of feeling your feelings and mirroring them back with tremendous compassion. We can use our super power, but we need to protect ourselves too.

“The world is too much with us” is the first line to a poem written by William Wordsworth about 200 years ago. He was warning people not to get too caught up in wanting material goods and telling people to stay close to nature. My take is to not get too caught up in someone else’s drama and stay true to your own empathic nature. You can be an empath without letting the world crush you. Even now.

Self-Care

Don’t Give It All Away

December 17, 2017 by 0 Comments

Gifts. Big tradition. It’s the time of year for giving and receiving. We cannot not get “wrapped up” in it. It can be a special time to give tokens to those we treasure, or it can be an uncomfortable time to give something out of obligation. Same goes for receiving from those we love or receiving from those we wish wouldn’t give us anything. And then there’s the problem of over doing, over spending, and giving it all away.

I love gifts – both giving and receiving, but as an empath, I have been faced with two challenges. One is that I can feel the feelings of the giver radiating off the object given to me. The other is I have to restrain myself from giving it all away – giving too much to too many and not having enough left in the bank. I did not understand these issues (although I lived them) when I was younger, but now I get it. Empath ways. Now I know how I operate and why, so it is easier to manage my “gifts.”

Receiving a gift given with affection and thoughtfulness is a powerful thing for an empath, no matter how large or small in size or price tag. I keep it near me so I can feel its energy and the warmth of the gift giver. When receiving a gift given without thought or care, it radiates negative energy. I don’t want it around me and get it out of my house. I used to feel guilty about this, but I don’t now. It is simply being self-protective.

And how not to give it all away? I learned this the hard way. It is such a natural high to give a gift and feel the happiness that radiates back from the receiver – especially when you plan and search for just the right thing. But don’t break the bank. You don’t have to shower gifts on too many to feed that natural high. Control it and shower them in your own backyard to those closest to you.

And remember that the gift of a shared experience can be better than something sitting in a box – so open your horizons to other ways to give. Spending time together at the holidays will make memories that will last longer than a present.

 

 

 

Advocacy

Thriving It

December 10, 2017 by 0 Comments

How can you thrive as an empath? And by thrive, I mean grow, develop, and flourish! Too often, we stew on the (numerous) challenges that make our lives tough. But I firmly believe that we are who we are by design. You are not an accident. Your gift is not an accident. The gift of heightened emotion is like a waterfall that can’t be turned off. By embracing who you are, what you are, and your unique contributions that you bring to this world, you can have an incredibly full life.

Unfortunately, childhood is a confusing time for empaths. We are navigating everyone else’s feelings and not separating them from our own feelings. We careen around and get close to or run away from others A LOT.  My parents called me moody and too sensitive. I did not know how to handle or acknowledge all the emotions swirling through me and around me. But I knew that I had a strong inner light, and on several occasions, people tried to put that light out.

My first lesson was learning how to treat myself. With maturity and experience (both good and bad), empaths learn how to cope with their heightened emotions. Self-Acceptance is key. Learning that we don’t need to justify ourselves is key. Embracing who we are is key. Treating ourselves as kindly as we do others is key. My first mantra became “Be gentle with yourself.”

Next was learning how to create healthy boundaries. This is often a big problem for empaths, and it was for me too. Too often, I was the dumping ground for other people’s emotional chaos. It was a very gradual process to learn to take care of my own needs. The fallout was big including divorce and ending a few friendships, but it was necessary for my own survival.

Now I work on staying grounded, surrounding myself with as much positive energy as possible, and learning from and sharing with other empaths and sensitives. I appreciate the joy of my intense emotions in the good times, and ride the wave of intense emotions during bad times, knowing that all feelings will pass through me. My current mantra? I am what I am. Namaste.

Self-Care

Replenish Your Energy

December 2, 2017 by 0 Comments

As the day goes on, we run out of energy….at least, some of us do. I am one of the some of us. Have been for as long as I can remember. I reach a point where I am done. Nothing left to give for the day. Collapse mode. Sound familiar?

This scenario is built on the premise that you wake up in the morning with energy, your energy gets depleted as the day goes on, and at day’s end you have no energy left. It’s not the best way to live. And add to that, an empath’s energy reserves go quicker. It just comes with the territory. Other people’s emotions are exhausting to navigate and swim through. We are emotional sponges that ironically feel all wrung out at the end of the day.

I am learning that there are a few things that we can do during our waking days to combat energy fatigue. We can be mindful of a get away from that list and a do that list.

The get away from that list starts with energy suckers. You know who they are in your life. I’m not telling you to unfriend them, but I am telling you to limit your direct contact if you don’t want to be exhausted. Next on the list is unplugging from the negative onslaught of news media. Brazen lies, cruelty to others, and sensationalist horror stories crush empaths. So don’t feed the fire breathing media dragon. Walk away from it. Those are my two biggies. Each person knows their own get away from that list. Honor it.

For the do that list, Marcia Reynolds, Psy.D., gives this advice. (Psychology Today, 4/11/2015).

Did you know you can think yourself into having more energy? Thoughts that activate positive emotions can energize your mind, secreting the chemicals that increase your overall sense of well-being. Boost your mood with these activities:

  1. Instead of complaining, focus on what is in your power to control, starting with your own thoughts and feelings.
  2. Find things to laugh at, including yourself.
  3. Stop and appreciate what you have right now, including what you have gained from lessons learned.
  4. Listen to some upbeat or calming music, or sing to yourself.
  5. Get up and go for a walk, even if you have to stay indoors. 

Make your own get away from that list and do that list. Replenish your energy during the day. Breathe in, breathe out, move on.

Encouragement

Hope, or How We Keep Going

November 26, 2017 by 0 Comments

Hope is the greatest motivator and the greatest gift. But what happens when we lose it? When tragedy comes calling, and we feel overwhelmed, our courage to face life can disappear. There are the little tragedies where we have lost hope for the moment. And there are the big tragedies where we have lost hope period. How do we keep going?

By somebody else’s hopeful story. Somebody else’s recovery. Somebody else’s survival documented. Somebody else’ s dream being lived out, for real. Somebody else who has been there, or is going there, and will take our hand and point the way. That is what can keep us going when we feel we have nothing left to hope for. Another’s experience  and courage can give us strength when we feel that we have none left.

When we start to believe in someone else’s dreams, in someone else’s visions for what can be and for what our lives can be, our own dreams start to return. When we hear or read stories of someone(s) who has been through what we are going through and has made it to the other side, we recognize that we can survive this. We can come through too. There are living examples to point to, and these thriving examples can help pull us back on our feet. If they could do it, if they could believe it, then maybe we can too. And the miracle is that little by little we build back our faith. Faith in ourselves. Faith in humanity. Faith in a higher power. Faith in our future. The kindness and courage of others and their stories can pull you through when your own words are too painful to speak.

The greatest testament to hope? Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream Speech.” His words inspire and uplift us while also acknowledging how hard life is. We can relate to what he says because it focuses on the unrealized dream of equality. The speech  begins, “I say to you today, my friends, though, even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream.” Google it. Read it or watch it for inspiration.

Dreams are hopes unrealized. Draw from other’s experiences and other’s courage, from other’s words and other’s hope, to give you back yours. It’s possible.

 

 

Affirmation

Thanksgiving, Past, Present, and Future

November 18, 2017 by 0 Comments

The past was the past. Childhood was largely out of your control. Those holiday celebrations? Not of your creating. You were a pawn in a larger family game. And the pawn is forced to show up. If this notion is foreign to you, then I am happy for your childhood holiday experiences. If this notion is familiar to you, then I am here to remind you to take heart and take charge. You can re-write the script and change your holiday. You get to determine who you are with and who you are not with. You get to determine where you are, what you do, what you eat, and how to celebrate (or not). Allow me to illustrate….

Thanksgiving was awful when I was a kid, and I hated this holiday for a long time. We had to go to my alcoholic grandparents’ house. Where the tension between people was palpable and where more was unspoken than spoken. (This little empath spent the day sad and confused.) Their traditions included a catered in meal, a fancy table, and for us to be seen but not heard. If we were chastised and cried, my step-grandfather pulled out his “crying balloon” and made it whine while laughing at us. They tried to make us eat exactly what they served, but after I threw up in the water glass, I got a pass on that one.

As an adult, I ignored the holiday for a while. And then I decided to re-write it. With MY family – my husband and my children. I vowed to always cook a nice, simple meal to share at home. I vowed to let everyone relax and be comfortable for the day. I vowed to savor our time together. To be thankful. And that’s it. No big production. Short, simple and very sweet.

The hardest part was changing my feelings about the holiday. That is always the biggest hurdle for an empath. But it is doable. If you have a rattling ghost of bad holidays past, I encourage you to banish it and take away its power. You can create your own form of celebration however traditional or non-traditional you so choose.

As for future holidays to come, we can re-invent that too. Perhaps a destination holiday….hmmm….

 

Inspiration

Uh….Yes, Your Words Matter – Part 2

November 12, 2017 by 0 Comments

Words can save you. Their power is immeasurable. We remember the right words that are uttered at the right moment because they stay with us. We remember the words that help us to keep moving forward when we are so tired. We remember the words that verify our own unique place in life. We remember the words that tell us that yes, we matter, and yes, we are worth it, and that yes, we are loved .

When we need them most, we can recall the words that were told to us, and we can recite them internally or out loud. And they save us again and again. Because the words spoken to another become part of the listener’s history and a part of their story. So, we must be mindful to use our words carefully and thoughtfully at critical moments in someone’s life. The moment will pass, but the words spoken will live on.

Think about the most meaningful words ever spoken to you. You know what they are, and you know why they mean so much. They affirm a part of you. Here are mine. “In my family, we love seldom and deeply, and I love you.” – when learning to trust in love again. “You are a mighty oak.” – when doubting my own inner strength. “Can I copy your paper as a good example to show other students?” – when unsure if I hit the mark in my writing. “We had such wonderful times together.” – when my mother said good bye to me for the last time. These are all simple words, simple sentences. But they mean the world to me because they were spoken by people who I trusted and who believed in me. So I believed in me too.

Words and emotions are linked. We remember words with the emotions of the moment when they were spoken. This is true for everyone, though empaths often notice the emotions first and the words second. We feel it, and then we hear it. But either way, the words and emotions are imprinted on us to be recalled at will in times of need. Like a prayer.

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” -Mother Teresa

Amen.

Self-Care

Uh…Yes, Your Words Matter – Part 1

November 5, 2017 by 0 Comments

Words can’t break your bones, but they can break your spirit, and they can break your heart. Because when we communicate with words, we exert power. When those in our inner circle, those we trust with our whole selves, say something, we listen. We believe. So recognize that there is a responsibility that goes with trust and a weight to your words. We can feel beaten down or lifted up by the words of others.

Think about it. What is the cruelest thing that someone(s) ever said to you? But you don’t even have to think about it. It’s right there, and you can remember it and spit it back verbatim. Here are the worst from my own catalog – “I don’t like to hold you at night because it makes me feel like I’m drowning and you are pulling me under,” from a former lover. “Beggars can’t be choosers,” from a former friend. “Your writing is pedestrian and boring,” from a former teacher. And the creme d’ la creme “Now you’re damaged goods, just like me,” from a (now deceased) relative. Pretty shitty, isn’t it? Made me feel small and worthless for quite some time.

But with age and experience, I gained more wisdom. I learned that it’s true that misery loves company, and that miserable people will pull others down with them. I learned that arrogant or narcissistic people only feel superior when they belittle you. I learned that I couldn’t prove myself otherwise, and that I needed to stop trying. I couldn’t change or save anyone mean or self-obsessed. I learned not to give away my self-definition. I know who I am.

But it’s been more recent that I figured out what I am. I’m an empath. And broken people are often attracted to empaths. We are by nature full of compassion for others, so we fall in the trenches with them and try to help them out. But recognize, it’s not your trench. I am not saying to not help others in need here. But I am saying recognize your own limits and protect your own heart. If someone is in pain, help them. It someone is always miserable and mean, step away.

“The moment you feel you have to prove your worth to someone is the moment to absolutely and utterly walk away.”      ~Alysia Harris

Lesson learned.

 

 

Self-Discovery

Emotions Imprinted on Objects

October 29, 2017 by 0 Comments

Did you know that emotions imprint on objects? Maybe you do, but you don’t know that you do. An object may bring up a feeling in you – which may lead you to keeping or getting rid of the object – keeping it close or moving it far away. You may think that is your emotion, but many empaths can feel the emotions of someone else imprinted on the object. There is even a term for this – “psychometry.” Many empaths have this ability but may not even be consciously aware of it.

Here are some examples to clarify. They are from ordinary life, but they illustrate this trait. First, presents. Presents are important to me. If you didn’t know this about me, it would surprise you. I am not materialistic, and my home is simple. But when I get a gift, I can literally feel the emotion of the giver when I hold it. Thoughtful gifts given with love are food for an empath, and I keep them close to me. Conversely, a gift given through obligation or by an angry person are quickly removed from my home. Because I can feel them, and I don’t want that in my house. In fact, many empaths shy away from antiques because of turbulent emotions they may carry.

Second example, my grandfather. I never met him; he died when my mom was 8. I never saw a photo of him, and she rarely spoke of him – it was painful. (And being empathic, I didn’t want to cause her pain.) When my mom died, I learned she kept many photos and personal effects of him including a pocket watch. When I first held the pocket watch, I could feel the emotions and the character of the man who owned it. A strong, confident, and forthright man which the obituary I later read confirmed.

Last example, wedding rings. I wear three of them. They are all simple bands inscribed with initials and dates. Mine, my mother’s, and my grandmother’s. Why wear them? Because I can feel the love with which they were purchased and with which they were worn. Who wouldn’t want to keep that hopeful love close?

Some empaths and psychics have developed their gift of “token-object reading” fully. I am attaching a link about psychometry from psychic library.com. Check it out to see where your abilities lie on the spectrum. And as always, appreciate your gift. http://psychiclibrary.com/beyondBooks/psychometry.

Affirmation

The Walking Wounded? or Pillar of Strength?

October 22, 2017 by 0 Comments

Am I the walking wounded or a pillar of strength? Yes. To Both. We all are. Because we are human, and we are living the human experience. We have encountered good and evil. We have been scarred inside and out. And the longer we live, the more scars we have. But remember that scar tissue is strong, very strong.

Think about the expression “Learning the hard way.” Isn’t that just learning to handle what life dishes up? There is rarely a “learning the easy way.” We learn by having experiences. With others. Who are flawed. Like us. We interact, we connect, we disconnect. Harder when we don’t want the same things. Harder when our goals are completely different, and when are visions are completely different. This is daily living with problems that may come and go, but mostly we learn to manage and bounce back from life’s disappointments.

But what about the big ones? The ones that knock us off our feet. The ones that are unjust and leave us screaming no or cowering in fear. The ones that leave the deep scars. The ones that leave us at the bottom of the pit that we think we will never get out of. Even if we learn to stand again, we feel like the walking wounded.

The miracle of life is that yes, you were in the pit, but yes, you got out. Because we can climb out of the pit, but it’s really, really hard. When you are pushed down, it is hard to get back up. The key is getting that hand off your back that is keeping your face to the ground. The key is to get your strength back and to start that slow climb up. You will need to alter your life to get that hand off you and get away from whatever is knocking out your soul.

You will still walk with your wounds, but you will also have gained strength from your journey back up. Commit to healing, and healing experiences and people will enter your life. Seek and embrace them.

I have a lot of scar tissue, but I have met some extraordinary people who helped me out of the pit (several pits actually). I acknowledge that sometimes I do still feel like the walking wounded, but most times I feel like a surviving pillar of strength. I focus on that. Strength.