Month: February 2019

Ever find yourself speechless? Are you an empath or highly sensitive person? You are not alone in your loss for words. It happens to empaths and HSPs more often than others. We may become temporarily unable to speak when we are experiencing very strong emotions. It especially happens when we are in the presence of inauthentic people.

A dishonest, inauthentic, and untrustworthy person is often angry and demanding and has a tidal wave of negative emotions that they lug around with them. These emotions spill into ours when we are near them. It is a crush of want. We can’t help but absorb the emotions of others near us, so their upset becomes our upset. Speaking no words stops our engagement and starts our self protection. (We shut down until we can get away.)

That’s not to say that empaths can’t handle the gamut of emotions that flow in and out of us throughout the day as we connect with others. We are strong. We can swim with the tides. It is to say that when someone has a bottomless pit of negativity, we need to swim away from them because they will drown us otherwise.

We are vulnerable to emotional contagion. So empaths need to be careful with who they spend time with. It is better to get out of the line of fire of negative vibes than to stay there speechless. Because if you stay, they will gain energy and you will lose energy; it will only go one way.

Think about proximity when dealing with inauthentic people. Use selective proximity. Don’t sit by them at meetings. (Avoiding meetings they attend is even better.) Don’t invite them into your home. (If you have to see them, meet in a public place.) Always have an exit strategy. (Limit your time by arranging to have a place to be shortly after you see them.) Don’t tell them personal things about yourself. (Inauthentic people can be very manipulative and may use your personal information to draw you closer.) Stay away from talking heads on social media and tv who rant. (Read your news rather than watch it – it won’t feel like an assault that way because we can’t hear or see the person’s emotions.)

Empaths and HSPs do not have to be open for emotional business 24/7. We do not have to draw close to every heart we encounter. Speechless is not hopeless. It is an avenue to a closed door to emotional contagion.

“Game over, man! Game over!” I can still picture Private William Hudson (Bill Paxton) yelling this in the movie Aliens when he realizes that  the ship meant to rescue him and his crew was destroyed. They are armed, but it doesn’t matter. They are trapped. Hope is lost. They will die.

“Game over, man! Game over!” was not in the original script. Bill Paxton ad libbed it, and they kept it in. It’s arguably the most memorable line in the film – because it’s over for Private Hudson, but NOT for Ripley. She decides that game will NOT be over until she rescues herself and the little girl.

Aliens was filmed in 1986. Critics still list it as one of the best movie sequels of all time, and it was nominated for many Academy Awards. Yes, it had state of the art special effects and a good script and solid cast. But its worth is that its message still rings true. When do we accept defeat? When do we fight on? And who gets to decide Game Over?

You do. I do. We do. They do. It depends on the situation and the relationship. It often hinges on the question of how much can we take before we are done. How do we want to live? What will we accept? What will we fight for? Is there hope left? Is the situation fixable? There are always some choices involved.

“Game over” can be a good thing in life. It can be a rallying cry for I’m done with this part of my life and I’m moving on to something better, something safer, something more fulfilling, etc. For us “Game over” is usually not life and death – although sometimes it may feel like it – it means we will change, and our lives will change. Like Ripley, we may need to fight our way out of a bad situation, and leave our past/the game behind us. We may not know what the future holds, but we know it will be better than this.

Game over means that this chapter of my life is over and I protect myself and I take care of myself by exiting the game. By leaving, I am moving on, and I am hopeful, and I am not doomed.